Well, well well… what have we here…
Forum poster DeltaKilo reports on the 1911 forums that our “frienimies” at Amazon have decided to fund a gun buy-back in Seattle:
“As painful as it is, it appears that Amazon.com has funded a gun buyback in Seattle, and supports anti-gun rights causes.”
Now, the online retailer Amazon not only makes our Christmas shopping a thirty minute affair – and that’s saying something given the size of our list – but it also puts a good deal of money in the pockets of some chaps we genuinely love – Such as William Quick and Glenn Reynolds. Both of these things are tits in our universe. Big, perfectly round, perky tits.
However… while there’s a metric-shit-ton we can overlook, and plenty we can forgive, there are a few things – raping women, molesting kids, and pissing with our guns – that earn you an eternal and permanent “fuck-off-and-die” from many of us here at Deth H.Q.
Just to make certain we were flying off the handle properly, we did a bit of research. After all, Amazon has allowed us to avoid the zoos that Wally-world and the Malls become from October 20th through January 2nd. Plus, it keeps several bloggers we love in business.
So, we dusted off our Matt Drudge hats, cracked our knuckles, and exhaustively searched every nook and cranny of the internet. (Translation: We followed the link in the forum post to a news site).
Sadly, yet unsurprisingly, it seems to be quite true:
“The program is funded by donations from Amazon of $30,000, the Seattle Police Foundation of $25,000, and local businesses including Pemco totaling more than $118,000.”
- King 5 News
Amazon gave thirty large so that the piggies could have gorgeous firearms mashed into rebar for city construction. Ain’t that just fucking peachy – “deeply ironic” as the hipster douchnozzles like to say.
So then. We bid farewell to our one-click Christmas lists… easy access to Emergency Preps… music downloads, and Amazon… get fucked. Seriously. We refuse to pay you flagellating dick-suckers to dismantle our way of life one Goddamned brick at a time.
Prime cancelled, guild account name changed, credit cards pulled, email altered to something appropriate, password changed to random garbage and promptly forgotten:
To: Amazon.com Customer Service
Account: SickOfGunGrabbingIdiots, firstname.lastname@example.org
The following information will be included in your e-mail:
Issue Details: More non-order questions
- Other non-order question
More details: Amazon supports anti-gun postion, no more business
Our account is closed forever, prime cancelled forever. Your company dumped $30,000.00 into a gun buy-back in Seattle. We will not pay you to destroy our way of life. (Personal Info Redacted) As many of our friends as we can talk into it will be dropping your service as well.
No more. You’re dumped.
It’s not us.
“Hey… Amazon… what’s this in our pocket…”
/e Holds up middle finger.
“Oh look… it’s a bird…”
/e Brandishes middle finger defiantly
“It must be endangered… “
/e Holds up middle finger of other hand
“See… there are only two left…”
/e Brandishes both middle fingers defiantly