Politics & Rants

Face-Diapers and the Cowards who Wear Them

I've been seeing a lot of chatter lately - folks grumbling about wearing a face-diaper. The answer's simple: don't. Stop complying with this numb-skullery. You need to understand human behavior and plan how you're going to deal with a potential conflict over the issue.

The stone cold truth, in the year since this sh*t-show started, I've yet to wear a mask. Not once. Ever. Anywhere. "How," you ask? Allow me to explain...

The reality is, most people are chicken-sh*ts. You need to understand this about the world. The same f*cking cowards who resign themselves to WEARING the masks are too polite or afraid of confrontation to say anything about you NOT wearing one.

99% of the sheep will do nothing more than eyeball ya - they won't do or say jack sh*t as you blissfully amble down the isles of IGA filling your cart. The 1% who try to play Mall-Tyrant? I have several ways of dealing with them:


1: If Mask-Cop's a rep of the business I tell them to get me the floor manager. I then ask said manager if they're familiar with the ADA. Should they say "yes," I remind them I can sue the store for not accommodating my disability. (And no, you don't have to tell them what your "disability" is).

If the answer is "no," then I tell them the same, only now I'm demanding the Store Manager or Owner, and raising my voice and making a fuss. They will generally back down and give you a wide clearance. Afterwards, make the f*ckers haul your groceries out to the truck - you're disabled after all.

If they actually DO bring you the Store Manger or Owner, (who'll be pissed, as they generally have actual work to do), ask THEM about the ADA. They're probably canny enough to know you're full of crap, but this entire thing has now devolved into a Grade-A-Sh*t-Show, playing out on check-out -isle-five, and they'll tell the peons to scan the damn groceries and get you the hell out of their store. Or they'll ask you to leave. Follow their instructions and do so if it comes to that.


2: If some Karen gets in a snit, my stock response has been to turn slowly, stare at her, unblinking, and slowly walk towards them, dragging my left leg slightly. No facial expression. Say nothing. Creep closer and closer, stopping about two feet away. Stare for a ten count. Karen will be talking just to hear herself speak at this point. After ten seconds, say in a monotone voice:

"Move your cart, you're in the way of the [insert product here]."

Continue to say nothing and stare right into her eyes. Ignore anything that comes out of her moth. She'll break and move - and will tailor her isle-crawling so she never passes you again. Hand the item "you wanted" to the cashier at check-out, saying, "you changed your mind."


3: If you run into a really belligerent blue-haired aggro-cunt - the type hurling themselves in front of your cart while shrieking - I can only offer up my plan. Why? Because I've yet to run across one of these creatures. Fortunately, they're as rare as a white whale outside of ANTIFA riots and college classrooms.

Should I pull some screeching harpy, my intention is to immediately abandon my cart, and shout:


Lessons will be learned on that day. Little Mx. Horn-rimmed-glasses probably won't confront anyone like that ever again - and if you hit the lottery, maybe officer f*cking safety will toss a few Gold Dots up her manatee ass.

While there's nothing illegal about being "mistaken," you've triggered the nuclear option, and it's time to vacate the store. Hopefully, along with plenty of other folks. (I advise dumping IGA and going to Albertson's to shop for the next month). Be aware that you'll likely have to answer questions from a feller with a badge at some point. I recommend you play really, really reallllllllllly stupid - and stick to your story - make them pay for the lawyer.

"I swear I saw a gun on her. I feared for my life. I ran."

Don't get creative. Thee sentences. Your court-appointed lawyer will handle the rest.

It helps that most of these harridans like to record their battle-sow confrontations, so they're always reaching for their iPhone... I mean... THEIR GUN.


So in closing, understand that most people won't say anything at all while you blissfully skimp on the cloth-muzzle. Nine times out of ten, I walk into any store I choose, and folks keep their jaws wired tight. Karens back down easy enough when confronted. On the rare occasions some wage-serf gets in my grill, mentioning the ADA will cower them. On the even RARER occasions where the management get's involved, they'll nearly always force the grunts to get you out of the store ASAP. I've yet to encounter some SJW Femcel, but I've got a plan, and I'll let you know how it works out, if needed.

So f*ck the mask. The same cowards wearing them lack the balls to even complain about ya.

You Suck If You Wear a Face-Diaper